We all do it sometimes. We undermine ourselves by using less-effective
language, verbal tics, and other oral miscues. That means there's
always room for improvement to help your
messages get through effectively. We can all also use a little
reminder now and then, so here are 17 of the worst offenses.
(Got a few I forgot? Let us know in the comments or contact me directly.
)
1. “No problem” (when you really mean “you’re welcome”)
Admittedly, I’m
on a crusade against this one. When you say “no problem” in response
to “thank you,” you’re actually devaluing the person who offers thanks by
suggesting that whatever you did for him or her was of so little value to you
that it hardly required effort.
2. “Sorry” (when you mean “excuse me”)
Everyone
appreciates a sincere apology, but using “sorry” when you really mean “excuse
me” (or perhaps simply “get out of my way”) undermines your
professionalism--and can make you sound a little like a bully.
3. “Just … ”
There’s not enough justice in this world, but when you use the
word just in the wrong context, you minimize your
impact. “I just want to bring up one point,” for example, telegraphs that
whatever you’re about to say is of little importance.
4. Speaking Canadian
Fun
fact: I’m technically half-Canadian, so I can say this: Canadian accents often
include an uptick at the end of a sentence, which suggests that any statement
you make is actually a question. Do you know what I mean?
5. “Know what I mean?”
I’m
aware that I just ended the last paragraph with this phrase, but it’s another
bad habit. While it’s smart to ensure that people you’re speaking with are on
the same page, it’s pretty annoying--and unprofessional--to be so unaware of
your verbal tics that you keep repeating the same phrases.
6. Syllogisms
We
live in a time of syllogisms: “It is what it is” and “It’s all good,” for
example. These are harmless phrases in the abstract, and they were probably
even witty once upon a time. But if you pepper your speech with them, you
undermine the sense that you’re a serious person.
7. “You guys … ”
I
admit, I fall prey to this one myself sometimes. Using “you guys” as an
all-purpose substitute for the second-person plural is a bad habit that can
undermine your message by making assumptions about how familiar your audience
really wants to be.
8. Apologetic (nervous) laughter
Unapologetic
laughter is great, and often contagious. Apologetic, nervous laughter is at
best undermining, and at worst, unnerving.
9. Wandering eyes
Rule number 1: Try to maintain eye contact. Rule number 2: If
you can’t maintain eye contact, at least try not to stare at the person’s other body parts. It drowns out anything you
might try to say.
10. “I do apologize … ”
I
once knew a federal judge who said that when lawyers began their argument by
saying, “With all due respect,” what he heard instead was “Eff you.” This is
the same kind of phrase--an apology that in many contexts (imagine, say, a
cable company customer service representative using it) means you’re really not
sorry about anything at all.
11. “It’s our policy … ”
This
is the fraternal twin of “I do apologize”--a filler phrase that suggests your
hands are tied and you can’t help someone, when they’re truly only tied by your
own choices.
12. Intentional obfuscation
There’s rarely a benevolent motive behind intentionally choosing
language or creating explanations so that your audience won’t actually
understand what you’re saying. Sometimes it’s quite sinister, in fact. (See “gas
lighting.”)
13. “In my opinion … ”
If
you’re going to assert something, in most cases you come across as more
professional if you simply assert it--not undermine your own point by saying
it’s only your opinion. (We know it’s your opinion; convince us of it.)
14. “Like … ”
There’s a lot to like about like, but there’s little to like about its use as an all-purpose
filler.
15. “Um … ”
Only
the smoothest, most-rehearsed talkers are able to overcome the fact that the
intelligent human brain thinks much faster than we’re able to express those
thoughts; that’s part of why we all rely on verbal crutches like “um” and “uh.”
That said, overusing these is highly distracting and undermines your
credibility.
16. Cursing
Well-timed
strategic profanity can be effective. Lazy cursing is distracting in many
cases, and can be totally undermining depending on your audience.
17. “Full disclosure”
Sure,
it’s fair and positive to disclose facts that might make your audience question
your biases--doing so can help defuse those issues before others raise them.
The verbal tic is to refer to this act of coming clean as “full disclosure.”
Very few of us are aware and selfless enough to disclose everything that could
potentially undermine what we have to say. Better just to offer a “disclosure,”
and let your audience decide whether it’s full or not.
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