Although it’s a good habit to
reflect on your behavior and apologize when needed, there are specific things
you should never have to apologize for. It shows maturity and emotional
health to be able to say you’re sorry. However, if you’re saying you’re
sorry for things you shouldn’t, you’re not taking care of yourself.
Here are a few things you
should never apologize for. If you find yourself apologizing for these
things, take some time to ask yourself why.
Your
Feelings.
Feelings are real and live
inside of us even if we don’t acknowledge them. Everyone can feel
differently about the same situation and it doesn’t mean anyone’s feelings are
wrong. Don’t apologize if your feelings aren’t what others expect them to
be. They’re yours and you have the right to feel them and to express
them. Sometimes people question their feelings because others have a
difficult time accepting them. Hold tight to what you feel! The
feelings don’t always feel good but they’re real and you’re entitled to have
them.
Saying
No.
We all have limits. Many
of us, however, don’t recognize our limits until we’re feeling stressed,
overwhelmed or we get sick. We all have emotional limits, physical
limits, and time limits. In order to take care of yourself, you need to
know your limits and set boundaries. Saying ‘No’ isn’t something to be
sorry about. Saying ‘No’ is one of the best ways to take care of
yourself. If someone else gets upset when you say ‘No’ then maybe it’s
time to reevaluate the relationship.
Telling
the Truth.
Telling the truth can be
tricky. While there are times when you may want to avoid the truth
(you’re friend’s outfit is hideous although she loves it), you have a right to
express the truth just like everyone else. There are two things to consider
when telling the truth; 1) Am I taking care of myself by telling the truth and,
2) Is there a reason to share the truth with someone especially if they may be
hurt by it. You come first! If telling the truth takes care of you
then you have do it. Sometimes the truth may not go over well with
someone else but they’ll typically get over it. If others cannot accept
your honesty then it’s time to share with someone else.
Asking
for your Needs to be Met.
We all have basic needs (food,
clothing, shelter etc). Beyond the needs for survival, however, we have
many other needs. Some have needs to be listened to. Others have
needs for affection. Again, others need sexual fulfillment.
Whatever your needs may be, keep in mind they are real and you have a
right to ask for them to be met. We often believe everyone has the same
needs. So, we believe that having to ask for them to be met shouldn’t be
necessary. Wrong! No one can read your mind. Take care of
yourself. Even if no one understands why you need what you do, don’t
apologize. Just ask!
Self
Care.
For most of us finding time to
take care of ourselves is difficult. Career, kids, aging parents, and 100
more things appear to always come first. Yes, we have plenty to do. But
what if we get sick and cannot take care of everyone and everything else?
Guess what…life goes on without us. Taking care of yourself is
actually a form of taking care of everyone else. If you’re not well
(physically, emotionally etc), you can’t take care of anyone else. When
you can see it from that perspective, there is no apology necessary for doing
what you need to do to take care of yourself.
Letting
Go.
There is no reason to apologize
for letting go of people, feelings and, situations which negatively affect you.
Keeping a hold of worries, toxic people and stressful situations can be
harmful to you both emotionally and physically. There is no reason to
hold onto the negativity you suffer when you hold onto something unhealthy for
you. There is also no reason to feel the need to apologize for letting go
of that which negatively affects you. If you find yourself apologizing,
then perhaps the person you’re apologizing to doesn't care about you the way
they should.
Reflect on the list above for a
moment and acknowledge which of the items you are apologizing for. Be
aware that if you’re apologizing for any of them, you are thinking about
someone else before yourself. If you’re taking care of someone else, who
is taking care of you?
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